I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
