I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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