low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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