i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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