My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
