hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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