You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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