its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
third nipple confirmed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
