Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
