maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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