i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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