dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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