Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I look better un-naked...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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