So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
