He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize