i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
