im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize