you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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