Plan B is the new Plan A
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
