We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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