I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
