he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He did a backflip because drugs
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