he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
