i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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