Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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