Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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