What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
