He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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