If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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