i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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