You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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