woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
