Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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