oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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