I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
