I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
