The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wear drunk well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
