I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
