She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
