god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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