Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
