I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
