Are we in a gay sports bar?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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