Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
