considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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