I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize