$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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