I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize