We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
