im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
