whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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