i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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