Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
