don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
