if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
