I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
