She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
