It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
