Soap is not a condiment
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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