i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
