so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
