remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
