When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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