i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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