the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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