I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I faked an abortion last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
