Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
