i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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