saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
