im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want her autograph on my taint
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
