yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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