so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
