He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My feet surprised me
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