a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your cock deserves a montage
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
