New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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